After a disappointingly short crossing of the Ukalayi river (barely 5 mins) I was faced with a steep muddy embankment that would lead me to a path to Esperanza Verde. So, me, my oversized rucksack, a smaller heavy rucksack and my bag of shortbread bisuits and sweets clambered up this almost impossible hill which was made more difficult in the heat, the fact that I hadn’t eaten a bean all day and it was now 3pm made it almost unbearable!!!

I walked heavily for 20 mins over uneven ground and through lush vegetation which eventually brought me out to a huge wooden building. There were a few volunteers mingling around and I took a moment to catch my breath before unleashing my rucksack letting it thump onto the floor before introducing myself to my new jungle buddies.

Eventually word reached the head of volunteers, Alex, that I had arrived and she came to show me to my room. All I wanted to do was collapse on the bed in a heap and never come out! I was truly exhausted!

There were 14 volunteers including me and 13 of them were in their early to mid 20’s – bloody fantastic, I was turning 60 next week and there wasn’t a middle age person among them but I couldn’t think of what difficulties that would hold, for the moment, I had to sleep, it had been a long tiring day and I just wanted to close my eyes.

I was shown to a bedroom behind a torn rather dirty curtain which had one set of bunk beds and one single bed. Thankfully I was given the single bed on the right the one looking across to a little table with a bottle holding a candle and a wire messed window. At that moment in time, I didn’t really care that there was no padding to my ripped stained mattress, I was just relieved to have dumped my jump and my feet were now in the same horizontal plane as my torso. I could hear all the sounds of the animals and insects coming from outside as I let out sigh of relief and fell asleep on top of the sheet for a much need 2 hrs. When I awoke another new young volunteer, Holly, had arrived from the UK.

I had a quick cold shower under a dribbling tap and washed my hair, I had to get that smell of chicken poop off of my stinking skin.

When I eventually woke from my slumber, I went to the kitchen/Social area for dinner but I couldn’t eat – my appetite had gone, I just couldn’t face looking at food so I made my excuses and left the table and the rest of the volunteers to discuss their opinions of this new older volunteer. It was around 10pm and I headed to bed just to catch two cockroaches make a beeline under my bed. I immediately located my bug spray and sprayed the legs of my bed but that didn’t mean I slept soundly. My ears were fine tuned to any scratching noises and my skin was on high alert for any tiny feet. I didn’t sleep well at all. I hoped tomorrow would make me feel like it was all worth while.

Wednesday 02/10/19

6:30 rise, work started 7:30 and I had to make breakfast before heading for my duties on the animal feeding station. Oats and banana – yummee!!

I was paired with Charlie, a young french boy and was on what was called residents tour. This was to feed all the animals in the compound that were never going to be released. We set off snaking our way around the miriads of monkeys that were lounging around before breakfast

was an absolutely gruelling day and I found my self wondering what I had done signing myself up for 6 weeks.

In my duties, Charlie and I had to prepare all the feed for all the animals and each piece had to be cut to precise measurements: to feed the pecories, macaws, tortoises, spider monkeys, coati, raccoons and qwashi.

I have no idea what I have done, I found today’s work totally exhausting, I can’t keep up with these young people, I haven’t got the energy and as for coping with all these bloody flies that keep bouncing off my eyes, ants that bite and wasps that continually swarm round the fruit as I cut it into precise pieces is driving me to the edge. I can’t quit, I just can’t…. well at least not yet. I wish I could phone but then it might make me so emotional.

After standing under another cold dripping shower I took to my bed exhausted only rising for 20 mins to eat dinner and straight back.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day although I doubt it as I am on my own to repeat the duties of today. Maybe I have to change my thinking, stop feeling sorry for myself and think more positively.

Thursday 03/10/19

Woke up feeling refreshed and ready to face the day full on. Up at 6 and off to make breakfast and revise all of my duties.

Porridge with banana and tea without mik while looking through my duties.

When I went to put my crocs on to head up to the Bogeda one was missing – one of the monkeys stole my ruddy shoe!!! So up to the loft I went in search of a spare pair of wellies before heading to prepare the food which unfortunately made me later than I had intended. I wanted to get there earlier for a head start and have my head clear in what I was doing – fat chance!

It was only 8am and already the heat was building, the sun had come out much earlier than yesterday – it was going to be a hot sweaty day.

The Bodega was the usual frantic mayhem, not really knowing what I was supposed to be doing and running around like headless chicken.

I took solace in that I was going to feed and clean the animal enclosures myself, I could relax and take my time.

The Peccaries – 4 handfuls of fruit and veg tossed over into three different areas of their enclosure. Double checking I secured the locks

Spider monkeys – lucio and rimaq – love these two. They love to be scratched in their itchy bits ( everywhere) and are so gentle

The Macaws – so noise and boisterous, not sure I trust this lot and they perch only a foot above my head as I clean their cage.

The Amazons, doves and little parrots: what a little cutey Sazu is (a very small Amazon parrot, the size of a starling). She loves to sit on my shoulder and nibble at my necklace as I clean her cage. Such a pretty wee thing, she loves to look you straight in the eye.

The Coati (Suma) – a strange wee thing from the raccoon family. She’s a bit intense and follows me around sniffing my legs and face from the platform but I guess she’s just lonely.

The tortoises – 6 of them, size of a football and can travel surprisingly fast and eat an enormous amounts of food. Charlie made them a little shelter and they all try to sqeaze in but it only takes one. I asked Charlie to make more.

I might have been slower but I enjoyed the interaction while cleaning and feeding my group of little animals.

It went well I thought and I was in a much better frame of mind after my restful sleep.

A quick 15 minute break and I was off to travel up the steep muddy track to the plateau to collect a variety of leaves and crickets for some of the howler monkeys and clean and feed the opposums. It was an exhausting climb and I thought at least there would be a breeze at the top but not even as much as a whisp – in fact, it was stifling hot. My clothes and hair were soaking and sticking to me and even I could smell myself and worst of all, I still had the afternoon to go! But now it’s lunch!

Delicious soup, rice, lentils & veg – only had soup and rice. Didn’t want to eat too much and besides I wanted to loose some weight while I was here.

PM

Bloody disaster, there is one capuchine monkey who can open the cage locks even though they are wired and clipped and she opened the enclosure of the Spider monkeys and both had got out of their cages – bloody mayhem and it had to be one of the cages I was responsible for – I was devastated because I knew I had locked them securely but also hated the thought I being thought of as unreliable. I took it hard but hid my upset from the rest of the group. We all had to stay in the Bogeda for safety as the two spider monkeys were running amok, running along the top of the macaw cages trying to catch the parrot’s feet through the fence, all the birds were flying hysterically round their cages squawking in unison, the howler, woolly and capuchin monkeys were surrounding them and trying to touch them as they were the new kids on the block – funny though, none of the other spider monkeys really gave a toss!

Rimaqu and Lucio ran around the compound totally enjoying their new found freedom, climbing and swinging from the trees, climbing to the top for a view they had probation not seen in many years – if ever.

The managers tried everything to get them back into the enclosure. The monkeys were keen to climb onto someone back but when they could see that they were being taken back in the direction of their cage they hopped off and back up the tree out of reach to sit surveying the people below.

Even though they were excited to be out, they felt intimidated at the attention from the other monkeys and were becoming anxious. Lucio hitched a ride on a passing volunteer and she walked back to the enclosure and he reluctantly released his arm around her shoulders and went into his cage.

Rimaq was not so co-operative, he continued to roam the compound scaling the nearest tree when he thought someone was getting to close for his freedom to end.

Eventually Dowel came down from the house with some bread and coaxed Lucio to join rimaq in the safety of the enclosure – phew, normal duties resumed.

Craig (a manage) reassured me that it was certainly not human error ( what he meant it was not my error) but I didn’t really believe him and thought he was just being kind – but I will for the moment believe him.

Everyone was trying to be sypathetic and helped me with my chores but I saw it as they didn’t really trust me to do it right – this may just be my insecurities and lack of confidence rearing it’s ugly head.

4:30pm – back to the kitchen for a debriefing – and a chat about the ‘incident’.

Another cold shower before dinner, but I feel so clean and refreshed.

The volunteers always cook dinner and tonight was Veggie burgers before a card game. At 8pm I went to feed the raccoons who every evening come to the feeding station for their evening meal, gosh they are noisey eaters, slurping stuffing their mouths with as much food as possible, rolling it around in their mouths mashing it up with their teeth before swallowing.

Bed at 9:40, tired after an emotional day.